Makes a change from small animal clinic one liners...
after work, all you attract are flies
your tan lines wash off
your pets greet your shoes and not you
all your pants have stains where you wipe your hands
you never shake hands without brushing your hands on your pants
you walk with a limp because of all the tools on your belt
you get really excited about a good solid poop
you spend all your vacations visiting other zoos
half your kitchen equipment and a good portion of your kids' toys end up at the zoo
you will eat most anything from the animal cooler as a snack
you don't even notice that you smell until you get into the car with the windows rolled up to go home
you think nothing of pulling off ticks while in line at the local fast-food place
you have two closets...one for work and one for the real world
you have more photos of your animal kids than of your friends
you wash your hands thoroughly BEFORE using the toilet
you politely decline to shake hands because you know WHERE your hands have been
you eagerly shake hands because YOU KNOW where you hands have been
new rakes and shovels are more exciting than diamonds
you can be bribed to do anything for chocolate cake
you sit on a clothes dryer for warmth
over lunch the discussion involves the consistency of faaeces
the casserole at the Christmas party reminds someone of an animals discharge and you eat it anyway
you lock any and every door behind you
when you go to lunch with coworkers and you realize that everyone at nearby tables asks to be moved because of what you are discussing
your most cherished gift is a Leatherman Super Tool
you shop the toy section in Wal-Mart and you don't have kids, you have monkeys
a three day weekend means the ground in dirt on your hands is gone
you leave a trail of hay everywhere you go
you check to see which way the wind is blowing before dumping anything
you can make water run uphill, because architects believe all drains should be in the highest corner
taking off your boots at night is better than...well, just about anything
talk of animals' faeces does not gross you out while eating
perfume is offensive while bodily smells are not
you are not phased by a faecal sample in the fridge next to your lunch.…
you have no pictures of you without animals in them too
you can identify which species a faecal originated from by smell
you're routinely tested for internal parasites
your favorite smells are bleach and disinfectant
you look better when you wake up than when you get off of work
you have scars to prove it.
Hair-ties are also good temporary rubber washers.
friends and family get concerned you are in an abusive relationship because of the number of bruises you have all over your body and the fact that it takes so long to try and remember how you got them.
when you can fall in a pile of poop and laugh it off but if your hose stays kinked for more than 2 seconds while you are hosing you go postal!!
when it's normal for you to have to wash your clothes at least twice to get them clean
when rainy days are the best days, but the day after rainy days are the worst
when you can name more animals than friends
you have eaten things off the floor in your area, after you have logically thought about it and use the 10 second rule
You have tasted the food your animals eat
You sometimes wear a face mask but you aren't in the medical field…you have monkeys and are sick
You use duct tape for EVERYTHING!
You have extra socks at work for when the hose springs yet another leak
You don't need to work out because your job is hard enough
You can carry a full 5 gallon bucket of water without spilling a drop
you have sleded on the shovels at work
It is normal to get bit or chased by an animal...sometimes daily.
you ask people if they want to see a picture of your baby, and they look at you funny when it's something furry, or feathered, or scaly, etc...
You can hold your tongue (and laughter) when the public asks some of their questions. Gotta LOVE the public.
You find yourself using 10-4 in place of "thank you", "yes", and "okay" in your everyday (nonradio) conversations.
You sometimes feel like MacGyver because of half the stuff you have built from odds n ends.
you go to the Doctor and while in the waiting room a nurse who you never met asks what animal tried to eat you this time.