April 14, 2009

Confronting fears and finding what you really want

 What are your fears? I thought I knew mine, but this week I have had to reconsider... and prioritise the things that really matter to me. I have to say there has been a few sleepless nights, vivid dreams and indigestion. Of course, that could have been all the chocolate... I mean, it was Easter after all.

Fears are easy to list. Here is one of mine!!! 

Passenger lands twin-engine plane at Fla. airport with controller's help after pilot dies

There is a reason I avoid small planes !!! Imagine traveling with your family and that happens....
Then he turned to his wife and two daughters: "You all start praying hard." Behind him, his wife trembled. Sixteen-year-old Bailey cried. Eighteen-year-old Maggie threw up.
Yup - I would be right there with Maggie... and still trembling and crying too!!!

I guess we all have a lot in common... Generally, we don't want to die (or when we must, in our sleep, blissfully ignorant of it all), or to hear we are going to die, to be forced to face our own mortality, to be in pain, experience fear, or to grieve deeply. We fear losing our wealth, our independence, our security. We fear for our children.
James tackling the heights... Doting mother watching, practising being blase about it....

For many reasons I would like to move house. This home has great character, but parts of it are too dark for my liking, as well as the fact it has a sad history for my partner.   It is time we considered finding a new home together. So, when I saw a possible one, - near here, better room arrangements, on the lake... blah blah blah... we even investigated how to buy it before we sold this place, which is not easy when it is an auction. It was like gambling. I got him to feel enthusiastic too! Then finally last night I decided that the house was great, but after much thought and closer attention to detail, it was not going to meet the needs of where I saw our lifestyle going as it would be too shady in the evenings... no long summer barbecues or warm winter afternoons inside. I called it all off.... and he is puzzled. Female perogative? Possibly, this might be an excuse, not a reason, as we can have long summer barbies here ... and do occasionally, but it is hardly a huge priority.... but meanwhile, I want to look at lots of places. Take my time, hopefully even sell this place first or at least finish some more of the maintenance!!! I think I will look at eco houses... aim for efficient, cosy, warm and embracing... built for the sun :) I know it is the right decision - because I feel better for making it.

So what went through my mind? Well, this week, we had an after hours bout of this....... (and the derriere is the doctors... )

It was a false alarm, but was one factor to be considered.... and he is fine now :)

Strangely, today, we met up with someone he used to have a relationship with. Since then, she has moved on, remarried, been widowed by a massive heart attack, had two heart attacks herself, and is now living with a man who also had a heart attack.... all in the last 18 months.... which was also a scary thought! With all the current upheaval at work and the "economic recession", I decided the prospect of starting again with a mortgage was not to be taken lightly..... the stress levels were likely to land me up in the same position!

In other news, James and Jess are recovered - check out their blog - I found this picture of Jess recently, wearing the traditional clothes required... she is the vision in blue...

Meanwhile, we had a lovely Easter, celebrating Good Friday with Phoebe's family. They leave for Auckland in late May; the house is sold, the boxes are being packed for their first move in two weeks, and they will camp in their new rental property until they leave for an Auckland motel and find somewhere to live up there.
Phoebe's dad makes wonderful hot cross buns...


Phoebe's other best friend.... " Lucy"

It was a perfect Easter weekend - we spent Sunday with my parents.. and it was a lovely day, warm and sunny. I thought these pictures from a friend summed it up.

Armand and friends at the river...


Have a great week and hope your chocolate over-indulgence is over for another few months :)


  1. Darls you have made the right decision for you. I fully support any move you make and you know I love the painting!
    Your actually sitting here right near me and know I'm commenting lol, But here it is in Type.

  2. yes i too has a lot of fear. for one, iam afraid i'm getting old. i just had a triple bypass, a hip replacement, a new knee and iam half blind!
    i take medications that make me dizzy, out of breath and subject to demetia. i can't even feel my hand sometimes.
    i know iam due to alzheimer's but thank god..i still have my driver's license!

    hey,just want you to laugh and forget your troubles for a while.
    hope you will find that perfect house, Fi...oops, wanna let you know we dont have chocolates last easter. darn!

  3. Jess looks lovely in the traditional attire!
    I am only afraid of the health of my family, Pauls had 2 heart attacks and has other problems, also after almost losing Amy, I am afraid for her daily.....Also do not like flying much!
    Tracey xxx

  4. More and more the slogan over here is 'Don't move, improve' I guess there are not too many places in the world that have escaped the downturn.

  5. Odette - you had me worried - thanks for the laugh!!!

    Moving does cost Moannie - fees and lawyers.... but don't think i want to pour money into this house.

    So pleased you have found somewhere Tracey :) You have plenty on your plate already - hope this makes life easier in the long run!

    Neo - will get you to add your wonderful flair when the time comes!!!!


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