Our biggest and saddest problem was trying to remember what we used to be able to see.
Another issue is that many of the high rises still in the square are going to be deconstructed so we saw yesterday's walk as a way to sit quietly and see them from this context for the last time.
I am no stranger to the devastation. I drive to work around the cordoned red zone. My office looks over the Catholic Basilica and my classroom over the Grand Chancellor. They have been demolishing the Christchurch School of Music next to the Basilica all week - the digger greedily pulling down the bricks. A true demolition compared to the careful deconstruction of many other places.
The square, a place filled with memories, felt empty and eerie, despite the people milling around in our little caged areas. This is the last weekend we can go, so I am glad I made the effort despite hobbling in with my crutch, ID on my body not my bag, as instructed. The 360 angle, the fine detail you miss in the photos, and the more immediate reality of it all is I guess, another step in the healing process.
Mainly I am just numb; I see it but I don't believe it. I just want to wake up.
We grabbed Souvlaki in the container mall and listened to children mechanically playing Fur Elise on keyboards, people ranting about how Jesus is real and pondered how people had died in that area in February.
Do go and read more from Elizabeth - she captures Christchurch well.